Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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