bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
