Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
