I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
