Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
