I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
