____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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