Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
