He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
