Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
