I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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