If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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