allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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