I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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