man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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