I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
