Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
