i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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