He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
