My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize