Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
