Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
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I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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