Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
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