Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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