so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
