Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
