i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
