I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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