Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
