I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i out mim tonsoeep
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