she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
