the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
