Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
