I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
