I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think a kid would responsible me up
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
