I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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