champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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