If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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