I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
