All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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