I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
