where am i from again
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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