i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
