My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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