Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
