I just pynch a tree in the face
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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