listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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