Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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