is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
