Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
