Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
