S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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