this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
