I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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