in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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