dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
