How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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