dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
