I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
