There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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