and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
