whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
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You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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