Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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