omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
