it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I love having hate sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
