He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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