maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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