dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
