I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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