I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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