paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
