For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
