just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
