Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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