I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we're making bets on your personal life
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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